Welcome back to Build a Better You!
Each week, I share insights from my coaching journey to help you lead with clarity, resilience, and confidence. This week, I’m reflecting on something deeply personal—grief and loss. Today is my mother’s birthday. She passed away at 39, and even now, 39 years later, the weight of her absence still affects me profoundly. If you’ve ever experienced loss, you know that grief doesn’t just disappear—it evolves, and we learn to carry it.
This Week’s Focus:
- Grief Never Fully Leaves Us: Why It’s OK That You’re Not OK
- Mastering Emotional Regulation: Tools to Navigate Life’s Challenges
- Conscious Leadership: The Mindset That Inspires and Creates Impact
- Coaching and Leadership: How Mentorship Shapes Success
Grief Never Fully Leaves Us: Why It’s OK That You’re Not OK
Losing my mother at such a young age changed me forever. Every year, on her birthday, the pain resurfaces. I find myself wondering who she would be today, what conversations we would have, and how life might have been different if she were still here. Grief doesn’t follow a straight path, and despite the years, it still catches me off guard.
Megan Devine’s book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK, highlights a truth we often resist—grief isn’t something to “get over.” It’s something we learn to live with. The world tells us to move on, but the reality is, the people we lose remain part of us forever.
How to Cope with Long-Term Grief:
- Acknowledge the Loss Every Year: Anniversaries and birthdays can be painful. Instead of suppressing emotions, allow yourself time to reflect, grieve, and honor your loved one in your own way.
- Create Rituals of Remembrance: Whether it’s lighting a candle, listening to their favorite song, or writing a letter, small rituals can keep their memory alive in a comforting way.
- Talk About It: Grief can feel isolating, but sharing your feelings with someone who understands can be healing. Therapy, support groups, or even journaling can provide relief.
- Be Kind to Yourself: It’s okay to still feel sadness decades later. Grief is a testament to love, and there’s no timeline for healing.
Takeaway: Grief is a lifelong journey. Instead of trying to move past it, find ways to carry it with grace and self-compassion.
Mastering Emotional Regulation: Tools to Navigate Life’s Challenges
Emotions, especially difficult ones, can feel overwhelming. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage our feelings in a healthy and constructive way. Without it, we may suppress emotions until they explode, or let them control our actions.
According to Simply Psychology, emotional regulation is a skill that can be strengthened over time.
Ways to Improve Emotional Regulation:
- Identify Your Triggers: Pay attention to what situations or thoughts provoke strong emotional reactions.
- Pause Before Reacting: Take a deep breath or count to five before responding to an emotionally charged situation.
- Use Reframing Techniques: Instead of saying, “This is terrible,” try, “This is difficult, but I can handle it.”
- Develop Healthy Outlets: Exercise, meditation, and creative activities can help process emotions constructively.
Takeaway: Learning to regulate emotions doesn’t mean ignoring them—it means acknowledging, processing, and responding to them in a way that aligns with your values and goals.
Conscious Leadership: The Mindset That Inspires and Creates Impact
Leadership isn’t just about hitting targets—it’s about fostering an environment where people feel valued, motivated, and aligned with a shared vision. Leaders like Satya Nadella and John Mackey embody conscious leadership, where success isn’t just measured in revenue, but in impact.
Key Traits of Conscious Leaders:
- Self-Awareness: Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and the effect you have on others.
- Purpose-Driven Decision-Making: Lead with values, not just bottom-line metrics.
- Empathy and Active Listening: Make your team feel heard, valued, and supported.
- Resilience and Adaptability: Great leaders stay steady even in times of uncertainty.
Takeaway: Leadership is about more than short-term wins. The most effective leaders cultivate self-awareness, purpose, and emotional intelligence to create lasting success.
Coaching and Leadership: How Mentorship Shapes Success
A great leader is also a great coach. Leaders who invest in coaching—whether for themselves or their teams—see greater engagement, improved performance, and higher emotional intelligence in their organizations.
In my book, The Executive Coach: Strategies for Success in Leadership (available here), I dive into proven strategies for elevating leadership through coaching.
How Coaching Strengthens Leadership:
- Encourages Self-Reflection: Coaching helps leaders identify blind spots and growth areas.
- Strengthens Decision-Making Skills: Leaders become more decisive and strategic.
- Enhances Communication: Coaching teaches leaders how to provide feedback and inspire teams effectively.
Takeaway: Coaching isn’t just for executives—it’s a tool for anyone who wants to level up their leadership skills and personal growth.
Reflection Corner: Questions for the Week
- How am I allowing myself to process grief or difficult emotions?
- Where can I improve my emotional regulation skills?
- What leadership traits do I want to strengthen in myself?
- How can I use coaching principles to lead more effectively?
Final Thoughts:
Grief, resilience, and leadership are deeply connected. The ability to acknowledge our emotions, process them, and use them to grow is what makes us stronger—not just as individuals, but as leaders.
Let’s continue building a better version of ourselves, together.
Wishing you a week of self-compassion, clarity, and growth.
Warm regards,
Terence H. Clarke